LupRocks Gossip

(Modest) Qualities of a "Good" Summer

When I was growing up in the land of over 10,000 lakes, a couple of my summers were spent on boats at "the lake" with my friends.  I'd get picked up in the morning, we'd bake all day under the sun, and then we'd hang around wherever we might see guys in the evenings.  As I've gotten older and taken on more and more responsibilities, I've started to gauge my summers by a different set of standards.  Since I can't spend all day every day in a swim suit, and it looks like yet another summer has passed me by without the possibility of a hot summer fling, and seeing as it rained for 20 + days of June, I've become less discriminating about what constitutes a "good" summer:

• Being somewhere that is NOT New York City over 4th of July weekend (unless of course you have access to a fabulous high-rise apartment with a view of the East river, a.k.a. Mr. Smelzer's place two summers ago, OR you happen to be in a car going over the Brooklyn Bridge after a really great BBQ at Prospect Park just as the fireworks are going off and everyone stops driving and gets out of the car to watch the display). 
• A deck, some wine, some friends and a cool breeze on a warm night.
• A walk on a boardwalk.
• A swim in the ocean.
• A drive (or train ride) home from the beach, the salt in your hair, the feeling of the sun still on your skin.  
• A ride on a boat with the wind whipping through my hair.
• A float in a pool, preferably with some sort of fruity frozen beverage in the flotation device's cup holder.
• Pool Noodles. 
• Taking advantage of "summer Fridays" even if you don't get them; hey, we've all got to escape a little early on a Friday and belly up to a cool bottle of Sauvingnon Blanc with a friend once in a while!
• A much needed, humidity reducing rain (from the O.E.D. "Petrichor, n: the pleasant smell that often accompanies the first rain after a long period of warm, dry weather in certain regions").
• A swing in a hammock. 
• A good table at an outdoor restaurant.
• Finally tracking down Big Gay Ice Cream Truck and getting one of these (thanks Blondie and Brownie!):

 

And I think that about sums it up.  If I can get most of these things checked off my list, even once, Summer '09 will officially qualify as a good summer.  More than once, I'm in heaven!  I'd love to hear anyone's "Summer Standards" and feel free to point out any glaring omissions! 

When it Rains, It Pours....

I'm just going to put it out there and say, this has not been a very easy month for me.  Okay, it's not been a very easy year so far.  Like everyone else, the economy has affected me, not in the "oh my God, I have to move into my mother's basement but she lives in an apartment and doesn't even have a basement!!" kind of way, but in that everything just seems so much more difficult all the time.  It doesn't help that some people, who shall remain nameless, don't seem to feel obliged by legally binding contracts which has put us in a bit of financial turmoil, not to mention April 15 hit us hard and I'm still trying to catch my breath from writing that...gulp....giant check.  On top of it, I've been hit with a romantic trial here and there, some really sad friend problems, and some mild to extremely annoying physical issues. 

But what am I gonna do about it???

While I might want to spend many mornings cowered under my covers, I really don't have that option, do I?  And besides that, experience has taught me that there is a damn good reason that when it rains it pours.  The reason is that if I continue to dwell on every little thing that goes wrong, even more sh!t is gonna go wrong.  Without fail. 

I reported here that I recently got back from a trip to Las Vegas.  So there I was; I hadn't seen real air in several days, hadn't eaten a vegetable in at least as many days, was working on an average of 4 hours of sleep a night, with several nights to go and loads of pressure to make new connections, nurture existing connections and drum up new business, I hadn't read a sentence of a book, talked to my family, worked out, or spent more than 10 minutes alone, I was missing one of the biggest Orman weddings of the century where my entire family was having a blast that they'll be discussing for the rest of my life, and frankly, my entire world felt like it was crumbling around me.  Any chance I got, I was sneaking off for a moment to cry before applying more black eye-liner and carrying on with a big smile plastered across my face.  Then I got a call from my doctor telling me I needed more tests to establish if I had a serious problem, or merely an annoying one.          

It was then that I realized...I'd been tuned into this self-pitying misery channel for far too long.  It took me a couple of hours--hours that I had to force myself to give to myself--to work my way out of this mood, off of this channel, and tune into something else.  I realized that while I desperately missed my family and vegetables and exercise and books and sleep and AIR, they would all be there waiting for me when I got back to planet earth.  And so would my problems.  In the meantime, I have a solid family that loves me unconditionally, great friendships, while possibly struggling, a thriving business with a great reputation worth fighting for, and most of all, a healthy intellect, a great sense of humor and my old reliable feistiness.  Sitting in my room (or the ballroom bathroom) crying wasn't doing me any good.  At all.  And dwelling on my problems while I was just so tired wasn't going to solve anything.

So I decided to change the channel, count my blessings, try to recognize my moments of grace, make a call to a sibling and let him/her tell me about his/her issues or tell me a joke rather than venting about the minutia of my daily existence, spend as much time as possible with people I genuinely like, and, well, hit it big at the blackjack table.  And guess what!  I ended up having a really, honest-to-God good time.

So, my dear friend Masuo, when I say "change your mindset" and you respond "Bahhh!  Change your mindset!  What the hell is THAT supposed to mean!  You can't just change your mindset!!!"  Know, in fact, that you can.     

Moments of Grace

Alright, I think I need to start a new "Sappy" category on this blog because I've tended towards the sentimental a bit more frequently lately.  I did add "friendship" as a category, so maybe that will keep me covered for a bit. 

On Saturday evening, the first real, Spring-like night we've had, a good friend mentioned the concept of "moments of grace."  She was talking about her love relationship, but I think this idea can be applied to any relationship or endeavor.  Let's face it, pretty much everything in life can be a huge pain in the ass; friendships, family relationships, work relationships, obviously romantic relationships, even inanimate objects like your apartment.  But when you can take a moment to recognize the moments of grace, it all starts to feel sort of worth it.  I have this brother who is infuriating in how unavailable he is, and yet sometimes he'll do something so off the wall and out of the blue expressly to make me laugh, and I become full of gratefulness that I am related to this particular person.  My friendships are a constant work-in-progress, with me always concerned that I'm a good enough friend, that I'm responsive enough, that I said the right thing when I was asked for advice, but when I sit on a gorgeous roof on a gorgeous night laughing and drinking belinis with my gorgeous, smart, kind and sensitive friends, it's worth every ounce of energy I've spent. 

I could go on and on with examples, but I'm sure you get my drift.  The thing I'm trying to accomplish now is recognizing those moments of grace on the job.  It used to not be difficult.  It used to be all fun all the time, even with all of the hard work.  Now, people are grumpy, people are scared, nobody wants to spend money, nobody knows their own future, everybody is basically drowning in uncertainty, so where is the moment of grace there?  Maybe it's when I call a designer and say "The costume designers of the Jennifer Lopez movie loved your jewelry and wants to pull some in for the fitting on Tuesday" and she's giddy with excitement.  Maybe, just maybe, if we're ALL on the lookout for these moments, they'll happen more frequently.....what do you say we give it a shot???   

 

What are Friends For?

I read an article in New York Magazine yesterday announcing the first non-baseball event at the historic new Yankees stadium, a "Historic Night of Hope" prayer service led by the prosperity preacher Joel Osteen.  While I definitely don't subscribe to any kind of evangelical teachings, his basic message to stay positive, even when times are really tough,  is a powerful one.  But how do we do that, outside of accepting Jesus as your Lord and personal savior (which is an entirely personal choice, in my opinion)?  We hear tales of economic woe, not just on the news, but from our close friends, pretty much every hour on the hour, and our own lives threaten to turn us into Debbie Downers and Bummer Bobs, not to mention the fact that the grayest winter in memory seems to keep dragging on, so how do we keep up the kind of positive energy that might actually impact our lives in a positive way? 

Already, I've noticed a desire in my own circle of friends to spend less time out at bars and restaurants, and more time in-doors over home-made dinners, just visiting and enjoying one another's company.  And while I didn't think it was possible to spend even more time with my massive family, as it turns out, it is possible.  In fact, these intimate gatherings with friends and family are pretty much the only thing I enjoy doing in my free time these days. 

Just this morning, my sister sent me an article in the New York Times highlighting several scientific studies on the positive effects of friends and close relationships and it occurred to me, maybe I'm on to something.  Maybe it's not just the immediate satisfaction I get from spending time with my friends and family that is driving me, maybe these people I surround myself with are literally medicine, causing me to keep a positive outlook that will eventually draw a lot of positive things into my life?  Something to think about, I guess....now if you'll excuse me, I want to finish the friendship bracelets I'm working on, Victoria and Jessica and Lisa are going to love them!